Holding hands, piggyback rides, and dragging me down the road.

Bon jou!

My last post shook many of my friends, family, and students up-- so many are not accustomed to hearing stories of my struggles, doubt, and hurt. I tend to deal with all of that very privately and quietly,  meanwhile, encouraging so many to share so that I can support and walk with them on the road they are on. I think that my being alone here in Haiti revealed just how badly I needed to share...so other can support and walk with me. I think being here in Haiti continues to reveal just how many people really are walking beside me, behind me, and before me...holding hands, piggyback rides, and dragging me down the road...

One of my students sent me the most wonderful and encouraging Facebook message- it is one of those messages that can keep you fueled in ministry for at least a year! No matter what is thrown at you!! :) I replied to her message with this...

I was scared to death to write what I did...but God was pushing me to do it. Now I know why. 

I think it was for you, not only for you...but maybe it is time more people hear more about what my daily faith walk is like. 

My faith is strong....but it is a difficult journey. Has been and will continue to be. It is every day, every hour, every moment. 

You know, I am always the positive optimistic voice amd I just felt I needed to share what is really going on in my heart right now. Thank you for understanding that and hearing what I am saying...and feeling parts of it too. 

I hurt. At times- miserable...but in ALL of that I KNOW God is in control, amd trust that!! But I still hurt, and just felt that it was time for me to "vocalize" that to everyone. I often worry about what people will think, shape their thoughts of me, etc. I gave up worrying for Lent....so I am just taking this opportunity to just SHARE!

It is scary, and I almost didn't post it, but something spurred me on to do it. And your message really confirmed that for me. Thank YOU for sharing.

I am really excited about being a part of your faith walk, walking beside you. That is what I do- and it is my favorite part. The being away from that everyday is probably the hardest for me right now. I miss you, and all of my 'babies' so much. Leaving MY seniors was almost as hard as leaving Scott. Okay....it was harder! :) I love you! LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU! 

Thanks for your love and support. It really means the world to me!!! More than you know.

And it does. 

The other day I read this during my morning devotional time:  "In solitude we can come to the realization that we are not driven together but brought  together. In solitude we come to know our fellow human beings not as partners who can satisfy our deepest needs, but as brothers and sisters with whom we are called to give visibility to God's all-embracing love. In solitude we discover that community is not a common ideology, but a response to a common call. In solitude we indeed realize that community is not made but given."  -Henri Nouwen

Solitude is difficult, and painful, and foreign... but it is where God can best intervene, still us, and reveal His will for our lives. It is in solitude that Daniel was able to be rescued from the lions, that Moses was able to seek the face of God, and Samuel was able to hear God's call on his life. 

I still continue to struggle in moments of my days here in Haiti, but I am striving to breathe deep in those moments and continue to trust in "the slow work of God." I know this road will not get any easier, but I will focus more on those I am here to serve, those I am brought together with, and those in the community of believers who love me, pray for me, and walk with me. Those of you who are holding my hands, giving me piggyback rides, or are dragging me down this road. 

Thanks for your love and support. It really means the world to me. More than you know. 

I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now. -Philippians 1:3-5